217: Organized Culinary Warfare

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Pour yourself a strong beverage and buckle up. You're in the shallow end with schnepply and toff. Episode number 218Jethro and I was just practicing our Spanish for old times sake. You like saying desculpe. Desculpe dsculpe. Yeah, that's fun to say. Do you miss saying that word in Ecuador? You know, it's funny. I learned a few words to get by. Did you say it a lot? That and Lo siento. Lo siento a lot. Yeah. Yeah, that was pretty. In fact, I got a T shirt that just said, I'm American. Lo siento. Nice. Lo sient. Lo siento. Soy Americano. Soy Americano. Lo siento. Actually said that to a guy in a cab one time. We get in a cab and he goes, oh, Americanos. And I said, see? Lo siento. And he goes, no, no, no, senor, no, no. Estabian. Estabian. Oh, we should do this entire episode in Spanish. I think that would be very taxing for me. It would be impossible. You speak much better Spanish than I do. No, I just. I just say with the exact duolingo pronunciation of it. Well, you know, for years we've been warned about the dangers of over sharing information online. You don't post your vacation because burglars know you're gone. Don't post your boarding pass because hackers can steal your information. You don't post your birthday. Don't post your Hometown. Don't post social. Your Social Security number. That's just wisdom. The basics. This incident goes to a whole different level. And it happened back in 2023 in Kuming, China, where a woman, and we're going to call her Wang. Not just because I love saying it, but because in this case, that's actually her name. It's funny you'd say that, because just the. This morning, driving here, coming from Costco, for some reason, the scene in Caddyshack where Rodney Dangerfield gets out of his car and he's got the Chinese guy with him who's taking pictures of everything, right? Mocking the whole Chinese tourist with the camera. And Rodney Dangerfield bellows, hey, Wang. It's a parking lot. Anyway. Anyway, so Ms. Wang was enjoying what should have been a perfectly normal dinner with a friend. She was doing what everybody does. Food arrives, conversation stops, phones come out, and there's a brief ceremonial photo shoot where everyone pretends they're photographing the food for memories and not because they desperately need strangers to know they ordered the premium beef. So she snaps a few pictures and she posts it on WeChat, which is like Chinese Facebook, I guess. Okay. And unknowingly, she includes the restaurant's ordering QR code that was on the table, which was basically posting her credit card on the Internet with the caption, treat yourself, ouch. And somewhere out there, a goblin with a smartphone saw this payment QR code, and probably thought, you know what this lady needs? A buttload of shrimp paste. I didn't. You didn't expect to hear that sentence today. Realized that was the. That was. Was the term for multitude, like, you know, a complaint of ravens. It's a buttload. Yeah, it's actually a little lesser known metric term. It's a metric. Okay, load. All right, gotcha. Anyway, somebody sees the QR code, they scan it, and instead of maybe adding one appetizer as a harmless prank, they fully commit. This wasn't casual trolling. This was organized culinary warfare. Within minutes, Wang's table began receiving orders. Not one, thousands, no, two, no, 2,580 orders of squid. Oh, my Lord. 1850 servings of dinner, duck. And then the masterpiece. 9,990 portions of shrimp paste. 9,990. Not 10,000, because apparently even Internet criminals appreciate some restraint. Sure you don't want to go hog wild, if you will? 10,000. That seems excessive. Did this crash the system? You would think it did. In my mind, I was picturing, you know, the little ticket printer in the kitchen. It's a ticket. Ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket it. And at some point, it starts smoking, and they have to beat it out with a dish towel. I'm picturing somebody in the kitchen going, really? Yeah. Does she really need 10,000 shrimp paste? The chef's like, we're going to need more shrimp. Actually, we're going to need a bigger boat. Bring in every shrimp boat you can find. Alert neighboring provinces. Start negotiating with the ocean, because this is all going to. Table 17. Table 17 has lost their mind. Meanwhile, Wang gets the bill. 430,000 yen, which is equivalent to about $60,000 U.S. okay. All right. Imagine that notification. You're thinking to see if your friend sent you a funny meme. Instead, your banking app says, congratulations, you now own a seafood distribution company. At first, if it was me, I would assume they just accidentally charged me for the building, or maybe I unknowingly invested in a franchise. But no. 9990 orders of shrimp paste. The staff, thankfully recognized what was happening. This was my next question. Yeah, because it's difficult to believe two women quietly eating dinner suddenly decide they need enough squid to recreate the entire ecosystem of Finding Nemo. So they moved Wang to a different table, which was smart. And Wang brought that picture down from the Internet. So it's kind of a fresh start. Except it wasn't, because the fake orders kept coming. Apparently, somebody had saved the picture and was passing it around. This became an active underground operation. There's probably a group out there somewhere. Dude, she moved tables. I got the old QR code. Keep the husband and wife lung slices coming. Have you ever had husband and wife lung slices? No, no. It's on my bucket list, of course, but it's. It's a real Chinese delicacy. It's called lung slices. The modern version usually doesn't contain lung. It's more like tripe and beef. Awful. And the reason they call it husband and wife long slices is because there was a married couple in the 1930s in Chengdu, and their version, their street food version, became so popular that people started referring to it as husband and wife lung slices, and the name stuck. Interesting. Anyway, back learning stuff like that to the scammers, I imagine them arguing over the menu strategy. You know, we need balance. We. We already have 2,500 squid. Good point. Let's diversify. Add shrimp. How much? Yes. And. And maybe throw in some husband and wife lung slices, because that will make Lindsay laugh. Good news, though. Well, I appreciate it. Wang didn't have to pay, so that's. That's good. I would have thought that there would be some way for the restaurant to. To shut down that. Not the whole app, but that particular QR code. Yeah, they had to readjust their QR code strategy. Can you imagine trying to explain the credit card statement to your. To your family members? Honey, did you spend $60,000? No. So somebody stole your identity. I actually became a Costco for seafood. Unknowingly. The restaurant eventually did change the system. So orders only work through a certain physical. Physical distance. You can't be anywhere in the world anymore. That's smart. That's smart. It honestly feels like something that maybe should have been thought about from day one. Right. It's kind of amazing the vulner this vulnerability even existed. The system basically operated on an honor code. Oh, you scanned the table. You must be sitting there. That's adorable. That's like leaving your front door unlocked because surely the criminals will respect my personal space. Yeah, it's. The door's there for a reason. And surprisingly, Wang took the whole thing well. She called it a learning experience, which is a really healthy attitude. Very. The story also reminds us that the Internet has created entirely new categories of crime. There was a time when criminals just robbed banks. Now they anonymously force strangers to purchase industrial quantities of seafood paste. Progress is weird. It's also fascinating that out of every possible thing hackers could do, someone chose chaos over profit. They didn't steal her money. They didn't empty her bank account. They simply weaponized the menu. It's petty, pointless, deeply inconvenient, and yet really hilarious. So next time your food arrives and everybody reaches for their phones, go ahead, take the picture, adjust the lighting, make the noodles look dramatic, and maybe check the background first, because your dinner could actually become the world's largest online group order. And somewhere out there, someone is still wondering whether 9,990 shrimp pastes would have been funnier if it was an even 10,000. But personally, I think they nailed it. Yeah, I'd like the restraint of that number. Exactly right. This comes from the South China Morning Post and surprisingly, the New York Post, which has become a real go to source for both of us. It is a gold mine of a publication, isn't it? Hey, it's Christy from Lululemon. I'm here at the office and we just dropped some really fun new summer colors in the Flow Y styles. If you're like me, you've loved the flow y tank and bra for years. And as of this year, it also comes in a dress and a crop tank. These are made in our buttery soft nulou fabric and my favorite part is the built in bra. It makes it super easy to wear for yoga or honestly as an everyday basic. You can find flow y styles in store or online@lululemon.com this episode is brought to you by Google Chrome. You think you know a browser, but Gemini and Chrome? That's new. It can help you with practically anything on the web. Like restoring a vintage motorcycle from a 50 page restoration block. Or finally break down that long article you've had open for weeks. Gemini and Chrome is here for it. Ready to make anything online make sense. There's no place like Chrome. Check responses Setup required. Compatibility and availability Various 18 Ever gotten tired of the stock voice for your GPS in the car? Take your GPS to the next level with the real voice of actress Jennifer Coolidge. Check this out. Hey Jennifer, what's the fastest way to the post office? Oh, the post office? Really? Um, I never really mail anything anywhere. What if you, you know, send her flowers? Flowers are pretty. Let the soothing voice of Jennifer Coolidge guide you in your travels. Hey Jennifer, where's the closest bar? Oh, what was the question? Something about a car? No, Jennifer, the nearest bar. You know, a tavern. Oh, I could really go for a cocktail right about now. Your directions may no longer make sense, but think of the fun you and Jennifer will have as you drive together. Hey Jennifer, tell me a story. Well, once I was supposed to meet this friend for dinner, but I couldn't find my car. So like, after an hour, he came and. Wait, what were we talking about? The Jennifer Coolidge GPS voice. Maybe not very accurate, but way more entertaining. I really have to pee. Like real bad celebrity voice impersonated. The email address is lifeguardallownpodcast.com hey, shallow end team. This is written. Sent by someone. I can't even pronounce it. ULU We High. U L U W E H I. My apologies for mispronouncing your name, sir or madam. They say. Hey, Shallow and team. I just listened to episode 210 when you guys mentioned a bar in Tucson that no longer exists. Do you remember jg? We were talking about Tequila Mockingbird. Yeah, in Elkon Mall. Well, it lives on in London. Oh, really? And this listener sent a photo, taken, I guess, on their phone, of a big sign hanging outside a restaurant. And it says Tequila Mockingbird. Says this photo was taken in April of 2026, very close to Trafalgar Square. Wow. Enjoy. Aloha. And then they sign their name, which we don't want to, which we can't pronounce. But I wanted to acknowledge the fact that somebody actually paid attention to us talking about Tequila Mockingbird in what was Elkon Mall though with mall in Tucson and actually sent us a photo from overseas about that's amazing. I love that. It's a great name for for a bar. It truly is. I love a good Harper Lee motif. Who doesn't get in line. If you've ever blasted synth beats from your boombox or burned CDs for your besties, this one's for you. As people get older, much like their music tastes, their health needs change. AG1 is the simple daily health drink designed to deliver over 75 essential daily nutrients in pre and probiotics to support energy, digestion and mood. So you can make the most out of every decade and dance break. Learn more@drinkag1.com did you know Sam's Club isn't a store? It's actually a club with cool finds and like a whole community. It's a club. Of course, Jason. It's in the name Sam's Club. Oh yeah. Come join us. Sam's Club. You're in the shallow end with Schnebly and Toth. Did you say your story was 2024? 2023. 2023. Okay, I have my story from August of 2024 and I love this story because it starts off almost bring you to tears and it ends with this rainbow of of good decisions and little forest animals so saccharine sweet it'll make you cry. We're going to Candy Mountain, Charlie. Imagine JG being the kind of criminal whose greatest heist is robbing a lemonade stand. Oh good Lord. Your criminal resume proudly reads. Successfully defeated two elementary school entrepreneurs. This happened in in Chesapeake, Virginia where 10 year old Rebecca Caldwell and her little brother Josh decided to spend a hot summer day doing what generations of American American kids have done to make a little money. Set up a lemonade stand. Did you ever do that as a kid? I did. And my son Josh, when he was little, he took it to a whole different level. And keep in mind, now he's a senior data analyst for a casino chain. When he was like eight, he didn't set up a lemonade stand. He set up a stand to buy Nintendo Cheat tips. Free enterprise is a fascinating thing, sometimes hilarious. So he was destined for his career. I mean, yeah, by age 8 he knew. I've got a picture of him when he was probably, I don't know, five or six and he was beating my dad's Apple II computer in chess. Wow. Do you ever look back on that and think, so how did I produce? Yeah, constantly. Brains like that. Constantly. Yeah, it skipped a generation, you know? I mean, no, no offense. My dad. Yeah, he was a math professor and I have to keep Josh's ego in check. So I tell him, yeah, but it was an Apple too, you know. Come on. Not even a Mac. Not even a Mac. Well, the business plan was flawless. Step one, mix lemonade. Step two, smile. Step three, become zillionaires. What could go wrong? By late morning, business was actually booming. Jethro. They had already made in three hours time, $40. Pretty good. That's great for kids. That's basically Warren Buffett money. If I had been that age and had $40, I think my head would have spun. No kidding. Well, this is when a silver Toyota slowly pulled up. Out stepped a young man who looked perfectly friendly. He complimented the standard. He said, nice lemonade stand you've got there. Rebecca thought, how nice. Man says, I'll take a glass of lemonade. Rebecca turns around to pour him a glass of lemonade. And in one smooth motion, the man grabs the money jar and sprints back to his car. Oh, good Lord. This is like a snidely whiplash moment. God. Didn't even wait for the lemonade. Just stole $40. Now we know that this happened not only because the two kids run in near tears and express to their parents they were actually frightened by it. And I don't blame them. Being that age, it would be terrifying. The fortunate thing here, aside from the way the story ends, is that the parents, the Caldwell parents, had a ring camera pointed toward the street that captured the entire thing. And you have. If you're a criminal, or would be criminal, you have to assume everything is being recorded these days. Everything. Everywhere. Everywhere. Everywhere. Somewhere. The Grinch was probably watching the security footage thinking, oh, that seems a little harsh, dude. Police actually released this surveillance video showing the world's least impressive criminal mastermind escaping with the $40. The children's father said the hardest part wasn't losing the money, it was protecting their kids innocence, which I think is a, is a very, very good point. And mom wonders, what kind of person could do something like this. Now this, to me, is the, the epitome of the story. Rebecca, who as we said, is 10 years old, somehow turns out to be the most mature person in the story. And she said something incredible that actually made me a little weepy when I first read this. She said, keep in mind, Rebecca's 10 years old that she hopes the thief would become a Christian. No, didn't want him to go to jail. Maybe just some community service. That's sweet. And Rebecca says to her parents, let's pray for him. I clearly, Jethro, have some spiritual growing to do, because if, if this had happened to my kids, I don't know, I would attract the guy down and force feed him slaughterhouse runoff or husband and wife lung slices. Either way. So the story spreads across not just the, the town of Chesapeake, Virginia, not just across the state, but across the country. And people are understandably, absolutely outraged by this. Now, Rebecca's parents understandably wanted their kids to try again. They wanted them to get back up on the horse, set up another lemonade stand, and prove that not everyone in the world is going to come to your lemonade stand and steal your. Your cash jar. Now, the good thing is that social media being what it is, not only spread this story of this brazen daytime heist, but mom and dad, when the kids go back out 10 days later to open another lemonade stand, mom and dad put it on social media. Ten days later, they reopened the stand. First, some neighbors dropped a few bucks in the jar. Some people even said, we don't want any lemonade. Here's, you know, here's some cash. Yeah, I mean, kids that age are filthy. I don't want their grimy little paws mixing my lemonade up. Everybody else was thinking that Jethro is the only one who had the guts to say it. Well, then more people started showing up. In fact, dozens of bicyclists actually made their ride that day to go buy some lemonade. And even 60 people, 6,0 bikers roll up at about 11am and one of them, a guy named Jason Miller, said, quote, what this guy did to these kids is ridiculous. We got to show our support. So they buy some lemonade, then they off the guy, tell us where he lives. You don't want to piss off Hell's Angels. Not when you're messing with their lemonade, sir. And people are now not paying just a dollar. People are dropping in five dollar bills, ten dollar bills. People are dropping in twenties. One couple, husband and wife even came and said, no lemonade, thanks. And they each dropped $100 bill. Nice. In the jar. That's wonderful. For four straight hours, people kept showing up. And at the end of the day, when they shut the lemonade stand down and took the jars, they actually had to replenish the jar. I mean, they had to go in, empty it out. And put the jar back out. They were getting so much cash. Wow. Wow. When they counted everything, JG, the kids had not made $40, which was, you'll recall, what was originally stolen. Not $400. They hadn't even made 4,000. Are you sitting down? I'm sitting. You ready for this? In four hours time, those two kids raised. Drum roll. $6,200. It's a down payment on a nice car. This jerk became the world's first financial advisor. The jerk being the guy who stole their forty dollars. He stole forty bucks and inspired other people to give away over six grand, which is sort of like trying to steal somebody's bicycle and accidentally buying them a Ferrari. Yeah, there you go. I love this. Well, eventually, police arrested a kid named Esteban Santillan. He admitted taking the money, and he was 19 years old. Chesapeake police say it was initially a petty larceny charge, but then when they looked into it in Virginia, it's a felony for stealing US currency valued at $5 or more from another person. Wow. It becomes grand larceny. Well, instead of sending this kid to jail, the court approved a plea agreement. If he stayed out of trouble for a year, completed 100 hours of community service, underwent a mental health evaluation, paid court costs, his felony could be reduced to a misdemeanor. Here's the part that surprised a lot of people. Rebecca and Josh's parents supported giving him that second chance. In fact, they asked the court to do anything they could to avoid a felony conviction. Wow. This guy. That's amazing. The family was practicing forgiveness. Now, the kids had already forgiven this guy long before the case ever reached a courtroom. And Rebecca, the daughter, later summed up the entire experience in this one sentence. There's still good people out there, even though some of them aren't always the best. Yeah. Which is a pretty cool lesson to learn from. From losing $40 at 10. This tells you more about the the family. Rebecca and Josh, 10 years old, 7 years old, said, let's use it to help our sister. They have an older sister go on a mission trip for their church. Oh, my goodness. And maybe with what's left over, buy some nice things for Josh and Rebecca as a way to go. In the end, the lemonade stand wasn't really about lemonade. It became a story about kindness defeating cruelty, about gener overwhelming greed. And about two kids who discovered that sometimes life hands you lemons. Sometimes somebody steals the lemonade, and somehow, thanks to a whole community and a whole lot of grace, you end up with $6200 and a reminder that goodness almost always has the last laugh. That's great. I love stories like this where people will come together. And I lived through a similar situation a number of years ago in my hometown. They had the toys for Tots Drive and they had collected quite a reasonable amount of toys. And they were in a store locker and somebody broke in and stole all the toys. Talk about Grinch, right? Rude. And so we started talking about it on our radio show and people started to bring money down. And one guy comes down and he has $1,000 and he's wearing a Santa outfit and he just drops these 101 hundreds, you know, a bunch a fistful of Benjamins right there on the desk. And the attendant said, oh, that's, that's amazingly generous. What's your name? And he just smiled and winked like Santa would and said, oh. And he went out into the parking lot and we're all watching him and he gets in this old beat up car. I'm surprised it was roadworthy. And as he drove away, we were trying to get the license plate number, it said Santa 1 on it. How freaking cool is this? So I'm putting the pieces together. This is a guy who drags that piece of crap car out once a year and drives around as Santa and just helps people. And I love that. This sounds like. Sounds like a Frank Capra movie. It does, it does. That's just beautiful. Well, that's what I loved about this story, by the way. I got this from Reddit, Wavy TV and WGHP tv. This story starts, as I said at the top with about the worst thing you can, you can think of and then just gets turned around into the most beautiful ending. It's just lovely. And to your point, the fact that all these strangers who didn't even know each other, you know, 6060 bikers, make it their, their morning ride to go and drop off loads of cash for these two kids selling lemonade. Great. It's fantastic. In today's world, it's really heartwarming to hear stories like this. Yeah. Well, we love you guys and we love the fact that you're hanging out with us. We enjoy hearing from you. Might we suggest if you see a lemonade stand this week, go and drop in a fiver. Why not? That'll be fine. And remember, don't drink that stuff. No. Good lord, that stuff will kill yours. Yeah, you never know where those little hands have been. Lifeguard and@shallow endpodcast.com we'll see you next time. Just remember, in the meantime to continue to make good choices. Your life and your lemonade stand may depend on it. So concludes another episode of the Shallow End with Schnebly and Toph. We thank you for listening. Oh be a dear would you please subscribe to this podcast, give these boys a five star rating and think of something nice to say even if you have to make something up. And visit us online@shallowendpodcast.com okay, gotta go. Hi, Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile. Are you looking for a beach read this summer? May I suggest your big wireless bill? It's got suspense, mystery, a slightly flat emotional arc, and a shocking twist where you realize you've been overpaying the entire time. Fortunately, though, Mint's story is better. Every plan $15 a month, even unlimited. That's it. Happy ending, zero tears. Give it a try@mintmobile.com Switch upfront payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months or $180 for a 12 month plan required $15 per month equivalent taxes and fees Extra initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes me slow when network is busy See Terms if the world were like a Sleep Number mattress, everything would adapt for your comfort. 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