224: Twenty-Three Miles from Common Sense

Late night bites with friends already hard to beat that first too hot bite of fries you Goldin wait for followed by ice cold Pepsi. Now that hits different Suddenly the energy kicks back in, the night goes longer and the laughs don't stop because Pepsi brings out more flavor, more fun and more of the moment. Food deserves Pepsi. Grab a Pepsi. Zero sugar today. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi step projects and when you need more than just answers. Give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides and structured reports. Get started@chatgpt.com by selecting work mode or available on plus and pro plans. It began long ago, two young boys in an American town riding their bikes to school and little league practice. Over the years, the boys became fast friends, united in their love for stories where things would go horribly wrong. Pour yourself a strong beverage and buckle up. You're in the shallow end with Schnebly and Toth. It's episode number 224 of the Shallow end with Schnebly and Toth. Or Schnebly and Toth. That's Schneebly and Toth. Schneebly and Toth. Yu-Gi-Oh I always mispronounce that. My apologies. It's funny, I was thinking this morning how there are so many things that we here in America in the year 2026 say and think and do that our grandparents never, even our parents never, ever, ever had to think about. And one of those is what I just said to you. I had to reboot and I'm gonna have to drop my vpn. Yu-Gi-Oh Yu-Gi-Oh They would be confused by that. It would be a little bit. Yu-Gi-Oh I'm picturing my great grandfather saying, well, what is that? Some sort of. Is that like plow related? Is that for the horse or. Yu-Gi-Oh is that. It's like a term for farm machinery. Yu-Gi-Oh Yu-Gi-Oh It's agricultural. Some sort. I remember having an experience a long time ago, similar in nature. I met a Russian foreign exchange student who was going to the U of A actually. Okay. In Tucson, and we invited him to go to a Wildcat football game at. At the stadium. I'm guessing that was his first. His first football experience. American football. American football, Yu-Gi-Oh Right. And I was, you know, doing what I do, yelling and using sports slang. And it was. He was very confused by my comment about taking the pigskin deep. Yu-Gi-Oh He's out there looking at farm animals. Yu-Gi-Oh Yu-Gi-Oh That could go. Could go sideways in a hurry. I haven't seen a single pig. What the hell are you talking about? Stupid Americans. Dummies. That's funny. It's. It's weird, too, how certain phrases become so common to us. Yu-Gi-Oh Even when they are no longer literally true. And. And my newest analogy was I was. I was driving Nancy's car, which is an Ev, and I was thinking about the gas pedal and how I still think step on the gas. Yu-Gi-Oh Even though the car has no gas. Yu-Gi-Oh No, I. There's. There's. We did an episode on Box of oddities about that. That type of stuff about how cupboard comes from the words cup board. Right. Back in, like, medieval times or whatever it was, if you had a cup, you were higher in status in society and you would display them on the cupboard. I didn't know that. Fascinating stuff. I didn't know that. That's way cool. Yu-Gi-Oh I'm still. My head still spinning from you and Nancy explaining to me the mud room. Oh, Yu-Gi-Oh Which growing up in Southern Arizona was something I didn't need. Yu-Gi-Oh There was no mud. There never was. Speaking of stories, I bet you got one. You know I do. This happened on Monday, November 10th of last year, 2025. The merchant ship Epic Shikoku, what a great name, was moving through the waters southeast of Spain's Costa del Sol. It sits on the Mediterranean, not far from the Straits of Gibraltar. The water there is very busy. A lot of, you know, shipping lanes. Large, large ships regularly passing through on their way between the Mediterranean and the Atlantic. From deck of one of these vessels, though, the sea still looks like it's completely empty. It's a vast, open expanse of water. Shortly after lunchtime, somebody aboard the ship noticed something. It was very small. It was too small to be a boat, they thought. From a distance, it looked more like a piece of debris moving up and down in the waves. And when the waves are high, if you see something like that, it's very easy to have it just disappear because it's riding waves. It comes up and then it goes down. It disappears. So it's really unlikely that a small piece of debris like that would even get noticed. Oof. But the debris, as they looked closer, appeared to have a person on it. Yu-Gi-Oh Now they were roughly 20 nautical miles from shore and on. It's like 23 miles on land, or 37 kilometers. At 12:43, the crew contacted the maritime Rescue Coordination center in Spain. And the message was simple but strange. They had spotted a person in the water 23 miles offshore, floating on something. Yu-Gi-Oh You don't expect to see a casual Shimmer Of course, you don't really expect to see anyone. Spain's maritime rescue service, which is called Salvamento Maritimo, they dispatch the Salvamar Gadir, a high speed rescue boat designed for exactly this type of a. Emergency. Sure, sure. The crew of the rescue boat now had a target somewhere in a very large open water space. Whatever the merchant ship had seen, it was small, it was low to the surface and difficult to spot among the waves. And there was no way of knowing what condition this person would be in. Somebody found that far away from shore could be suffering from hypothermia, certainly dehydration and exposure. They might have fallen overboard without anybody noticing. That does happen. They may have been the only survivor of a vessel that was sunk, and they were just clinging to the debris. They could be injured, they could be unconscious. That would be my first thought, that this is somebody kind of like a, you know, Tom Hanks in Castaway. Yu-Gi-Oh that's the image that it conjured in my mind too. When the rescue ship reached the coordinate, its crew finally got a closer look. And surprisingly and fortunately, the man that was on this debris was still alive. And even more surprising than that, he seemed to be in good condition. He was fully dressed, he was conscious, he was sitting up. And according to some reports, he seemed remarkably calm for somebody sitting alone in the Mediterranean, more than 20 miles from land. Like he does this for a living. Yu-Gi-Oh like this is just, you know, a weekend activity for him. Must be Tuesday. Here I am on a piece of floating debris in the middle of the ocean. The rescue crew pulled him aboard and took him back to the port of Esteponia. He did not require any urgent medical treatment, and authorities said he. His injuries that he suffered were pretty insignificant. And that alone was remarkable. Conditions that far offshore, as you can imagine, change pretty quickly. Wind and currents can. Can carry somebody even further from the land. A person sitting only a few inches above the water, extremely difficult for passing ships to see. He was very lucky. Even in daylight, the crew of that ship, more likely more often than not, would not have noticed him. Yu-Gi-Oh But there was still an unanswered question. What was he on? You mean like hallucinogens or the actual object on which he was sitting? In this case, I guess it could go either way, but in this case, what he was sitting on. Early descriptions made it sound like some type of float or a raft. Perhaps it was a damaged boat. Maybe he had assembled something from debris to keep himself out of the water. Officials soon clarified that it was not a migrant vessel. It was not a lifeboat. It wasn't even the most reasonable. It wasn't even what most reasonable people would describe as a raft. It was an inflatable mattress. And not a heavy duty marine survival device. An ordinary domestic inflatable mattress. The kind that you put in your living room when your relatives visit. How the hell. On Costa del Sol, this unnamed man had apparently decided he was gonna climb an inflatable mattress and go for a ride out in the Mediterranean just to see what it was like. That's exactly right. I think he was thinking that, well, you know, you get these blow up beach mattress things that you, that you use. Maybe because this was larger, he thought it would be even, even safer. I wonder if he vaguely considered, even for a few minutes, like one of those giant inflatable, like swans, you know, those pool toys you see. Yu-Gi-Oh Yu-Gi-Oh something like that. Something like that, Yu-Gi-Oh No, he, he just blew this mattress up and got on it. No rudder, motor, sail, radio, navigation system, or really anything useful. He did. Reportedly he did bring along a single Oregon, but it was improvised. It was just a piece of wood. We, we don't know exactly what his original plan was. Authorities didn't release his name or explain where he entered the water. Somewhere on Costa del Sol. Del. That was my first question is where did he set out from? It was on the coast of Spain, but they don't, they didn't say exactly where. So he gets on there on the mattress with his board that he's going to use as a paddle, and he, he pushes out onto the water. And then the current began carrying him away from shore. Everyone acts surprised. At first he may have believed that he could paddle back, but moving an inflatable mattress with one oar is difficult under the best conditions. Each stroke on one side just maybe makes the mattress go in circles. So he was just drifting farther and farther offshore, paddling in circles. Poor guy. And then the Mediterranean. The current got a hold of it and decided that his destination was not up to him. Little by little, the beaches disappeared behind him. Buildings became dots. The dots vanished. Eventually, he was alone on the open water, fully dressed, sitting on an air mattress, paddling with a piece of board. Good grief. By the time that the epic Shikoku spotted him, he had traveled about 37 kilometers from the coast. And that's about the length of A marathon. And somehow, when the rescue crews arrived, he was reportedly in good spirits, as though being discovered in a shipping lane on an inflatable piece of bedroom furniture was an unusual inconvenience, but not necessarily a crisis. Afterwards, the search and rescue team issued a warning, and they said, the sea, they reminded people, is not a swimming pool. It must be treated with respect, caution, and attention. And that's sound advice. An inflatable mattress may look like a boat because it floats, but a dinner plate also floats if you set it in the water carefully enough. And nobody has ever tried to paddle dinnerware to Monaco. It's sort of like the. You shouldn't have to tell your kids, don't ride your bikes on the roof. The sea is not a swimming pool. You wouldn't think you'd need to explain that. So, you know, as ridiculous as the story sounds, the man was, of course, incredibly lucky. Lucky that the mattress stayed inflated, lucky the weather remained manageable, lucky he didn't fall overboard, and especially lucky that somebody aboard a merchant ship happened to look out across the miles of empty Mediterranean and notice a tiny shape rising and falling between the waves. Because when you're sitting 23 miles offshore on a guest bed with a makeshift oar, you're no longer controlling your situation. You're just somebody waiting for a person with an actual boat to notice. Fortunately, he was fine. Do we have any idea how long he had been out there? Two days. Two days. Two days. He's lucky to be alive. He is. He is. This comes from El Paez Malaga Hoy and the Spanish Yu-Gi-Oh another fine publication from, I'm assuming, Costa del Sol. Costa del Sol de Sculpe Discolpe. Hey. So this episode of the Shallow End is sponsored by Vinted, and we're genuinely so excited about this that we Goldin wait until Lindsay got back to tell you. Unfortunately, he's currently on a flight out of Los Angeles, so through technology I don't understand. And with what I assume is the reluctant cooperation of the flight crew. Lindsay, can you hear me? Hey, I can. JG I'm coming to you live from 34,000ft, where the Yu-Gi-Oh fi is unstable, and the man beside My House been asleep with his mouth open and drooling on his pants since somewhere over Las Vegas. But I'm very excited that Vinted is sponsoring us. Vinted is a secondhand marketplace app that makes it easy to sell clothes you no longer wear and earn some extra money. That's remarkable clarity from a man traveling nearly 600 miles an hour. Now I recently looked in my closet and I realized I have clothes I've been saving for a version of myself who apparently attends yacht parties. But Lindsay, what does selling on Vinted actually involve? Do I need to purchase a label printer and open a regional distribution center? No regional distribution center required. Listing on Vinted is quick and simple. You simply link list the clothes you no longer wear, and when an item sells, Vinted creates the prepaid shipping label for you. There are no seller fees, so you keep everything you earn. It's a simple way to clean out your closet. Make room for something new. Get more value from clothes that were just, you know, sitting there. Linds, before the flight attendant discovers what we're doing and confiscates your phone, please tell everyone how they can get started. Ready to clean out your closet and make some extra money? Download the vidded app free and start listing. No seller fees. You keep every dollar you earn. Give your clothes a second life with Vinted. The perfect lunch combo. That first bite of your favorite sub followed by ice cold Pepsi. Add a couple of friends and now that's next level. Suddenly the laughs get louder, the stories keep flowing and the food tastes better because Pepsi brings out more flavor, more fun, and more of the moment. Food deserves Pepsi. Grab a Pepsi. Zero sugar Today you're a dog lover. Always have been. Man's best friend has always been yours too. Dogs are so loving. Cats act like they're doing me a favor by being in the same room. I hate cats. But what if your new girlfriend or boyfriend is a cat person? Or your children want to adopt a cat? No cat in this house ever. Introducing Felinexa, the only prescription drug proven to turn cat hating people into cat lovers. In clinical trials, Felinexa changed brain chemistry and in just a few weeks it turned patients from this. God, I hate cats so much to this look at buttons. She's not superior, she's just confident. Yu-Gi-Oh She's not scratching me. It's just a little love pat. Felinexis should not be taken by people who love snakes or other venomous reptiles as some patients try to introducing their cats to snakes. It turned out like you'd guess. Don't you just love the way she walks into the room? Who's a cute little girl? Fall in love with cats with new feline exa. The email address is lifeguardsallownpodcast.com Kimberly this is actually from last summer and I somehow missed this email. Kimberly writes. Hello friends. I know I'm pretty far behind, but I just listened to shallow end episode number 71 where in garage doors are discussed. I remember vaguely this story, Jethro, and it reminded me of. Have you ever had a close call with a garage door? Or more. More to the point, a garage door spring, not the spring, but a radio station that I worked at had a remote area for their tower site and you got into it through a garage door, but they hadn't connect. Put the caps on the end of the rail. Yu-Gi-Oh they. So I slid the door up and the folding pieces of the end went right off the track and swung down and hit me in the head. Ouch. Yu-Gi-Oh Geez. That could. That could have been. That could have been a lot worse. It could have been a lot worse. Yu-Gi-Oh because I was like five miles from the main road. But all's well that ends well in the house that I. When I was living in Long Beach, I had an old school garage door, single, you know, car garage door, old school. Must have weighed I don't know how much, how many hundreds of pounds. It was a beast. And one morning I go out, unlock it, and I can barely get the thing up. And it's because overnight one of the springs had snapped and it took a gouge out of this wooden shelf I had off to the side. Oh no. And a big, you know, like a gash through this, through this piece of four by four wood. And I thought if I had been standing there or if it had hit the car, it really creeped me out. That's when I realized just how important garage door safety is. I digress from Kimberly's email. She says my husband and I bought a house in western Pennsylvania. This was back in April of 2020. We had just moved from Hawaii, driven across the country, so we were lucky to find just about everything. And the fact that we found a turnkey house in any condition under the circumstances was incredibly lucky. However, the house has character. One of the quirks was a manual garage door with poorly installed tracks. I would have to literally hang my entire body weight from it to get it to come back down. And one day it fell apart for months. We didn't park in the garage because the door was just collapsed all over the entrance. We knew had something had to be done, but that would be expensive. Now I'm the worst kind of shallow end diver. I knew the risks, but I did it one-of-one I found a large pair of hedge clippers, lined up the metal cable, put as much of my body around the corner as possible and just smashed that thing until bang. The cable exploded free. Then I did the other side. I am fine. But a pro tip, ladies, do not do this yourself at home. Kimberly. Thank you, Kimberly. Thank you, Kimberly. I would just from the stories that both JG and I have with our own experiences, not to mention Kimberly and her story. If you have any kind of issue with a garage door and a spring, back away slowly and call a professional. And if you find yourself trying to fix it with gardening tools, you're in trouble. But please send us an email if you're not hurt too badly. Right? Right. Because stop bleeding. Because it's all about us. The perfect lunch combo. That first bite of your favorite sub followed by ice cold Pepsi. Add a couple of friends and now that's next level. Suddenly the last get louder, the stories keep flowing and the food tastes better because Pepsi brings out more flavor, more fun, and more of the moment. Food deserves Pepsi. Grab a Pepsi. Zero sugar today. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give Chat GPT work access to your apps and files. And it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides and structured reports. Get started@chatgpt.com by selecting work mode available on plus and Pro plans. You're in the shallow end with Schnebly and Toth. You know, I just come from the gym, see, and it's interesting because my gym experience is not at all like what I'm about to tell you. But there are at my gym, and I'm sure it's, it's every gym, there are various levels of people who are into fitness. And you can tell the people who are there just because they promised themselves they were going to be there three days that week and they're just sort of going through the motions. And then there are the, you know, the really die hard guys and girls who you can tell are probably working out six days a week. Yu-Gi-Oh sometimes people call them gym rats or gym bunnies, which is actually kind of a compliment. But my story is about a guy who, well, wasn't quite, let's say, disciplined. He was interested in bodybuilding. His name was Peter Mossfield. Now, bodybuilding, have you ever, did you ever see the movie Pumping Iron in the early 70s? Of course. Yu-Gi-Oh Yu-Gi-Oh Yu-Gi-Oh That was my first glance into that world of bodybuilding. And not just the physical strength, but the discipline and the focus, the psychology that goes into People who are that passionate about working out and sculpting themselves, if you will. Bodybuilding is about sacrifice, dedication, the willingness to push your body beyond its limits in pursuit of excellence. So here's what happened. Peter Mossfield took steroids, drank up to 24 beers a day, and did absolutely, absolutely no resistance training whatsoever. Did he think that the beer arm curls were. I'm not sure exactly what he was thinking. If he was thinking. Well, two out of three. First off, I understand steroids if you're trying to bulk up. I don't quite get the 24 beers a day because I don't think bodybuilders take steroids. Drink two cases of beer and then go work out. No. So needless to say, his preparation was unconventional. Unconventional. And while the other competitors were in the gym doing their squats, deadlifts, bench presses, Peter was preparing his most important Mosaic group, which apparently was his liver. Now, I don't know exactly what his schedule was, but I'm in researching this and trying to put it together. I came up with what I think his schedule must have looked like for each day of the week, which was Monday, beer. Tuesday, more beer. Wednesday, rest day. Thursday, beer. Friday, beer, but really aggressively. Saturday, watch bodybuilding videos and wonder where everyone got those muscles. Sunday, recovery beer. That's nice. Yu-Gi-Oh Again, that's just my guess. No kegs day. You'll note that there are. Yu-Gi-Oh well, Yu-Gi-Oh Yu-Gi-Oh And you'll note that nowhere in any of those seven days of the week is a visit to the gym. Because, honestly, who has time for that? Was he confused that getting a six pack meant drinking several of them? Yu-Gi-Oh if I drink 24 cans of beer a day, I should end up with a 24 pack rather than just a six pack, right? So despite this, Peter went ahead and entered a bodybuilding competition. And I'm thinking that he thought his natural charisma, enormous confidence, and mysterious collection of pharmaceuticals would carry him through. Now, there were only eight competitors in this particular bodybuilding competition. When Peter walked onto the stage, the judges looked at him with the solemn concentration normally reserved for identifying a suspicious package. The other competitors were, of course, enormous. You know the look. Veins bulging everywhere, shoulders like wardrobes, legs capable of supporting small buildings. Peter stood among them, looking like he'd accidentally wandered into the wrong event while searching for the hotel bar. Still, to his credit, he struck his different poses with tremendous confidence. The judges deliberated. Peter waited. The results were announced. And surprise, surprise. Out of the eight competitors on the stage, Peter came in eighth. Oh, say it one-of-one so, Yu-Gi-Oh Yu-Gi-Oh Unfortunately, dead last. Now he had achieved something remarkable. He had taken performance enhancing drugs and somehow enhanced his performance performance at coming in last. But he refused to be discouraged because there were still the finals. He had another chance. Unfortunately, Peter then made a decision that would go down in bodybuilding history. He decided to go for a drink before the competition. Before the, before the finals? Yu-Gi-Oh Yu-Gi-Oh You know, they test for steroids. Maybe they should have like a breathalyzer test. Yu-Gi-Oh you have to blow a.00 in order to be allowed on stage for the bodybuilding competition. Well, they realized we have only seven of the eight guys for the finals. And just in fairness to Peter, even though he'd already come in dead last, I don't think anybody thought, you know, maybe he'll surprise us and one-of-one the finals. It has been a couple of weeks, but they're, they're, he can't find him anywhere. He's nowhere to be found. They search backstage, they search, you know, bathrooms, closets, dressing rooms. They checked changing rooms, they even checked the gym. But eventually someone found him at a nearby pub. Peter was still sitting at the bar, still covered in posing oil, wearing his bodybuilding trunks and explaining to a confused bartender that he was, quote, between competitions. When told he was supposed to be on stage, Peter reportedly looked at his watch and said, quote, bloody hell, I thought the finals were tomorrow. Yet he was oiled up and ready to go a day early. Yu-Gi-Oh well, most of us, I think, would have hit the showers and then gone to the bar if we thought that the finals weren't till the next day. The officials stared at him and said, peter, you've been drinking for three hours. Peter nodded thoughtfully. So I've got plenty of time to prepare. Guy says, peter, you're supposed to be competing right now. Peter looks down at his physique and then back at the official and reportedly said, against whom? The other seven competitors. Peter, side, are they drinking? No. Peter shook his head. Well, that's their first mistake. Peter never made it to the finals. So his bodybuilding career ended with a unique achievement. He finished last out of eight, failed to qualify for the finals, managed to miss the finals because he was too busy drinking to Whatnot them. Years later, people still talk about Peter. Not because he was the biggest, not because he was the strongest, not because he one-of-one anything, but because in an industry built around discipline, consistency and suffering, Peter somehow discovered the one training program nobody had thought of before. 24 beers a day, zero lifting steroids, and a strategic decision to get drunk during the competition. Yu-Gi-Oh 24 beers a day. Yu-Gi-Oh Yu-Gi-Oh It wasn't bodybuilding. It was body avoiding. Praise God for the New York Post. I bet that's the first time you've said that. Or anybody, for that matter. Or anybody. I have to hand it to people, Peter. Anytime somebody says, you know, there's only one way to achieve blank, I find myself thinking, I wonder if in this particular case, there might be more than one way to achieve something. And it never would have occurred to me that if I was serious about bodybuilding, that I could just drink beer and take steroids and never hit the gym. But you know what, Peter? Hats off to you for being willing to go where other people have not gone before and to follow your dreams. Yu-Gi-Oh Even if you Goldin follow it in a straight line, I don't know how anyone could. How your liver can handle it. Goldin I wouldn't think. 24 beers a day. 24 beers. Oh, Yu-Gi-Oh Yu-Gi-Oh I can't imagine it. I just, you know, I mean, I enjoy a fine pilsner from time to time, but. Good Lord, 24 a day. Yu-Gi-Oh I mean, after three, I'm. And not every day, but just after three, I'm kind of like, Yu-Gi-Oh I think I'm more than good. And get me an Uber. I remember in college drinking beer like water, because virtually everybody else, all my friends, were thinking the same thing. You're sort of, you know, the first stage of adulthood and away from your parents, and you think, I could have beer if I wanted. I'm legally allowed to buy it and drink it. Sure. I'll have three or four beers at a bar. And to your point now, after maybe two, I think. Okay, I think that's enough. Yu-Gi-Oh I think that's enough. Now would be a good time for some ice water. And in college, you're not drinking the good stuff either. You're drinking, like, Meister Brow. Yu-Gi-Oh I was a big Coors Light guy. Coors Light. You were a silver bullet, man. I was a silver bullet before they even called it a silver bullet. Yu-Gi-Oh Yu-Gi-Oh Yu-Gi-Oh Yu-Gi-Oh I hydrate with that. Good for you. Good for you. You could. You could show Peter a thing or two by hydrating with your Coors Lights. Of course. Of course. It's too bad that the beer company that he was drinking didn't find out about this and somehow try and turn it into an ad campaign. No kidding, right? I mean, just with, you know, tongue in cheek the whole way, it would have been, I think, a master class in marketing. Absolutely. Absolutely. Well, shallow endpodcast.com that's where you can find us online and the email address is lifeguard@shallow endpodcast.com Please write us. We love hearing from you. Don't ride your bikes on the roof and don't get on a raft with no means of propulsion or compass on the ocean and think that you'll end up somewhere. Fine. Yu-Gi-Oh that's just bad form. Continue to make good choices. Your life might depend on it. So concludes another episode of the Shallow End with Schnebly and Top. We thank you for listening. Oh be a dear would you please subscribe. Subscribe to this podcast. Give these boys a five star rating and think of something nice to say even if you have to make something up. And visit us online@shallowendpodcast.com okay, gotta go. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi step projects and when you need more than just answers. Give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides and structured reports. 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