225: Bovine Justice

Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile. Now I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited Premium Wireless for $15 a month is back. So I thought it would be fun if we made $15 bills, but it turns out that's very illegal. So there goes my big idea for the commercial. Give it a try@mintmobile.com Switch upfront payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months or $180 for a 12 month plan. Required $15 per month equivalent taxes and fees. Extra initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes. Me slow when network is busy. See Terms. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides and structured reports. Get started@chatgpt.com by selecting work mode available on plus and Pro plans. It began long ago, two young boys in an American town riding their bikes to school and little league practice. Over the years, the boys became fast friends, united in their love for stories where things would go horribly wrong. Pour yourself a strong beverage and buckle up. You're in the shallow end with Schnebly and Toff. It's episode number 225, if you can believe it. How did that happen? I don't know. You turn your back and all of a sudden there's a catalog where there used to be nothingness. Catalog. I guess in the traditional sense. I was thinking more it was just a log, something you'd stumble across in the forest or flush. Okay, well, I'll admit some episodes were not as good as they could have been and maybe deserved a trip to the water treatment plant, but Yu-Gi-Oh Well, by God, here we are. I texted Jethro yesterday morning in a bit of a panic because I had roughly an inch of standing water. My basement. Yu-Gi-Oh And spent between six and eight hours with shop vacs and towels and fans and such. And fortunately, a neighbor named Gil, whose nickname on our street is MacGyver because the guy is a retired jet mechanic from Northrop Grumman. Grumman. And he can quite literally fix absolutely anything with gum and duct tape and a little bit of resolve and Katie, bar the door, you're back in business. So that's great. I actually took because the washing. It's a long story, but the washing machine had Beckett up, and it's a little complicated because it sits in the basement. It's not an ideal system, but it's worked for 20 something years. And Gil diagnosed the problem. And I literally did a load of laundry after he left. Sitting in a camp chair with a book. Yu-Gi-Oh just alternating between my book and staring at the screen of the washing machine like Clint Eastwood, thinking, go ahead, make my day. Yu-Gi-Oh Yu-Gi-Oh I'm ready for you. Don't even think about it. By God, of course, everything worked fine. And I can honestly say I have probably the cleanest basement in Los Angeles County. I would imagine at this point, you could quite literally eat off the basement Fleer if you wished. And for a good chunk of change, I might very well let you. Every man has a price, right? What's yours? I bet you got a story, it being the month of September and all. Hard to believe that, too, right? You know, when people steal a car and they try to run from the cops, they usually get tracked down by a highly trained canine dog or caught with one of those spike traps. Well, this story involves none of those things. Okay, this is how it unfolded. Dateline, Sanford, Florida. Of course, it's 2018. There is a woman whose name is, I'm assuming, still Jennifer Kaufman. Okay? She was riding in a stolen Zebra SUV with a couple of her friends. Now, the Sanford police spotted the SUV because it had stolen tags, and naturally they tried to pull them over, but the driver decided that stopping was not on his agenda. So they stepped on the gas and led the police on a high speed chase. The cops tried using those stop sticks to pop the tires, and that did not work. Eventually, the driver did lose control and crashed the SUV into a ditch near the corner of Celery Avenue and Sipes. Celery Sipes, for those of you in the Sanford area who are following along on MapQuest. Once the car was wrecked, it was Absolute chaos. Everybody inside the vehicle, they bailed and bolted in different directions all at once, as they are. What to do? Sure, that's the strategy. One of the guys ran off into the nearby woods and bushes. The police tracked him down. They deployed the K9 unit. The dog found him pretty quickly. Jennifer, on the other hand, looked out at a massive, wide open field and thought, I can totally hide there. What she failed to realize was that this field was not empty. It was a private pasture owned by a local land company. And it already had tenants. Specifically, 16 to 20 very large, curious dairy cows. Oh, boy. Now put yourself in the mindset of these cows for a second. It's a quiet Sunday night. You're hanging out with your friends, doing cow stuff, and suddenly a strange woman comes crashing over the fence, sprinting at full speed, sweating, waving her arms and making a massive racket. Now, cows are curious creatures. They're creatures of habit. And they do not like unexpected guests messing up their cow vibe. They're also incredibly nosy. If something weird enters their territory, they're gonna investigate. I'm picturing a cow thinking, hey, don't harsh my mellow, dude. Yu-Gi-Oh that would be like a Southern California cow, right? Yu-Gi-Oh Up in the sky, a Seminole county sheriff's office helicopter was circling around using a thermal night vision camera to track Jennifer's body heat. The pilots are looking down, trying to guide the officers on the ground through pitch black field. And suddenly the helicopter crew witnesses one of the Finest tactical maneuvers in law enforcement history. As Jennifer is running across the field, the herd spots her. And instead of scattering like you might expect prey animals to do, they formed a literal tactical line and they started galloping right after her. Yu-Gi-Oh The police helicopter audio is pure gold. Let me, let me play this for you. Turning right onto Sipes, southbound Sipes Avenue. Oh, signal four, signal four. Sipes and Celery bailout. Okay, drivers bailing. Still got a passenger in the vehicle. South and east of you. Actually, the large group of cows is following her for a good visual. Looks like they may attack her. Keep going southeast. She's pretty far into the field. Now. If you see the large group of cows, they're literally following her, chasing her. Come down prisoner side. Larry, we got her lit up. Then you see the night vision images of her being pulled over the fence by law enforcement while the cows are watching. I love, I just wonder, is this something that happened so many times before that the cows thought, you know, if somebody ever pulls this crap in our field again, I've had enough. Yu-Gi-Oh I'm going after him like a Far side cartoon. Yu-Gi-Oh exactly. Imagine being Jennifer in this situation. You're fleeing the police, your adrenaline is pumping, you think you're escaping. You look over your shoulder and see 16 massive thousand pound bovines charging directly at you. That's got to be creepy. Like a thunderstruck pack of angry velociraptors. One cow got so close to her that the helicopter crew thought he was gonna gore her. But you know, they were dairy cows, so Yu-Gi-Oh they're pretty chill. What's interesting is when you see this night vision Video which you can find on YouTube. The cows didn't just follow her. They literally herded her and surrounded her next to the fence. They boxed her in from the sides and aggressively marched her across the pasture. And they forced her to keep running in one exact direction until she ran into the arms. The law. Oh, this is like a Scooby Doo. Yu-Gi-Oh and I would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for you cows. They herded her right up against the fence. There was a dirt road on the other side, and she was completely cornered. The sheriff's deputies pulled her over the fence and quickly arrested her. Thanks to the cows providing the ultimate giant moving biological arrow, the officers didn't even have to search the field. They just drove around to the other side where the herd was gathered, reached over the fence, and pulled Jennifer through, slapping the cuffs on her. Perfect. Talk about. I mean, that's got to be, like, one of the most. I'm using an easiest days at the office for. For those deputies. Yu-Gi-Oh that's. That's a story I'm sure they told over and over again. Yu-Gi-Oh you don't have to break a sweat when local livestock do all the tracking and flanking and corralling. You know, when a private citizen does something heroic and they get an award from the police, Wouldn't it be great if the Police brought these 20 cows to the police station and gave them medals? Sure. You know, for community support and impact. Again, very Gary Larson, far side. One of the cows gets up to speak on behalf of the other 20. I honestly was not really about being a hero. It was, you know, we just realized something had to be done, and we just jumped in. Any of us would have done it. By the way, that. That was my Florida cow voice. You nailed that dialect. Thank you so much. When the police searched the crashed Zebra things got worse. They found 1.3 grams of cocaine. Well, of course they did. Pipes, needles, spoons. So on top of grand theft auto, Jennifer got hit with drug possession and resisting an officer without violence. Her bond was set at 4,500. The best part of this whole thing is that Seminole County Sheriff's office released this thermal footage to the public. And as you can imagine, it's really enjoyable. You can find it on. On YouTube. The media actually asked Sanford police department if they were going to start an official bovine chase unit, which in my mind is. Is utterly ridiculous. But see what he did there, folks? Dad jokes. Sadly, they didn't recruit officially any cattle to the force, but the sheriff's Office still reposts this video on social media every single year for Cow appreciation Day. Well, that's kind of. Yu-Gi-Oh that's very kind. So the moral of the story is simple. If you're gonna commit a crime in rural Florida, you might want to check the pasture before you run, because the cows are not what they seem. Open field isn't always an advantage. This comes from Yahoo. News, the Guardian, and the Orlando Sentinel. Give it up. Loves me a good cow story. Who doesn't? Hey. So this episode of the Shallow End is sponsored by Vinted, and we're genuinely so excited about this that we Goldin Yu-Gi-Oh until Lindsay got back to tell you. Unfortunately, he's currently on a flight out of Los Angeles, so through technology I don't understand. And with what I assume is the reluctant cooperation of the flight crew. Lindsey, can you hear me? Hey, I can. JG I'm coming to you live from 34,000ft, where the Yu-Gi-Oh fi is unstable. And the man beside My House been asleep with his mouth open and drooling on his pants since somewhere over Las Vegas. But I'm very excited that Vinted is sponsoring us. Vinted is a secondhand marketplace app that makes it easy to sell clothes you no longer wear and earn some extra money. That's remarkable clarity from a man traveling nearly 600 miles an hour. Now, I recently looked in my closet, and I realized I have clothes I've been saving for a version of myself who apparently attends yacht parties. But, Lindsay, what does selling on Vinted actually involve? Do I need to purchase a label printer and open a regional distribution center? No regional distribution center required. Listing on Vinted is quick and simple. You simply list the clothes you no longer wear. And when an item sells, Vinted creates the prepaid shipping label for you. There are no seller fees, so you keep everything you earn. It's a simple way to clean out your closet. Make room for something new. Get more value from clothes that were just, you know, sitting there. Linds, before the flight attendant discovers what we're doing and confiscates your phone, please tell everyone how they can get started. Ready to clean out your closet and make some extra money? Download the vidded app free and start listing. No seller fees. You keep every dollar you earn. Give your clothes a second life with Vinted. Starting or growing your own business can be intimidating and lonely at times. Your to do list may feel endless with new tasks. And lists can easily begin to overrun your life. So finding the right tool that not only helps you out, but simplifies everything. As a built in business partner can be a game changer for millions of businesses. That tool is Shopify Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the US from household names like Gymshark, Rare Beauty and Heinz to brands just getting started, Shopify has hundreds of ready to use templates that can help you build a beautiful online store that matches your brand style and you can tackle all the important tasks in one place from inventory to payments to analytics and more. No need to save multiple websites or try to figure out what platform is hosting the tool that you need. And if people haven't heard about your brand, you can get the word out like you have a marketing team behind you with easy to run email and social media campaigns to reach customers wherever they're scrolling or strolling. Start your business today with the industry's best business partner, Shopify and start hearing. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com realm. Go to shopify.com realm that's shopify.com realm. You've seen us on TV news, in newspapers and magazines, maybe even at your local city hall. We're people against everything and we've been protesting everywhere for decades. We're not just against animal cruelty. We're against animals in general because they can be dangerous. Dangerous and sometimes they smell bad. We're against the pharmaceutical companies because they make too much money. We're against all companies because they make money too. We're against money because it leads to socioeconomic barriers. In fact, we're against barriers of any kind, especially traffic barriers, because we should be able to drive anywhere we want. We're even against ourselves because protests can be loud and annoying and block our cars as we're driving to our another protest. If you'd like us to carry protest signs at your next event, just find us online and ask. But remember, we're against going online to contact people. We're even against you for listening to this commercial right now. People Against Everything is not affiliated with other organizations that protest. We're against them too. People Against Everything is not responsible for protesters who are poorly dressed. People Against Everything does not condone misspelled signs. We're people against everything. Everything. The email address lifeguardalloendpodcast.com a listener named Claire writes. Hello JG, Lindsay, Kat, and Nancy. My name is Claire. I've been catching up on episodes of tsc. I've been a Boo fan since the beginning. I also love From Beneath the Hollywood sign and have Been inspired to watch older movies. one-of-one I can't remember which episode of the Shallow End it was, but a man tried to set a car on fire instead. Caught his pants on fire. It brought back memories of my troubles with fire. I think that was your story, jg, where the guy was trying to burn, like an Escalade arson. Torch it. That sounds right. And usually if it's a story that involves a guy setting his pants on fire, it comes from me. Anything involving pants you can almost guarantee is gonna be a Jethro. It first started when I was about 6 or 7. My brother and his friend, both two years older than me, wanted to see how they could scorch an envelope without catching it on fire. Now, I don't remember if the candle they used was already lit or if they lit it, but my mom was out running errands and my dad was outside doing yard work. Well, when I saw what they were doing, obviously I wanted to try it. I'm sure you can guess what happened. Yes, my envelope caught on fire. Now, what does a six or seven year old do when they're scared and need to put burning envelopes somewhere? That's right. They throw it in a trash can that sits directly under the window. You know, the window with curtains on it, next to the oily rags. Fortunately, my dad came in at that moment, put the trash can in the sink and put out the fire. The next incident. Oh, okay, so we had more fire. Okay. The next incident happened when I was 14. It was the Saturday before Easter and my family decided to go to the Easter vigil. We parishioners were given lit candles as we quietly and reverently walked into church. Well, being that I was 14, it was the early 90s. You can imagine the amount of hairspray I had in my hair. Yes, my hair caught fire. The whole congregation was silent as I felt heat on my neck and cheek. I saw from my peripheral vision a blaze of glory and screamed, oh, my God. My best friend's father acted quickly. He slapped my head to put out the fire. Fortunately, I wasn't injured, nor was anyone else. I did have to get my hair cut, and that hurt my pride. The third incident took place when I was about 18. I was cooking dinner over a gas stove. The handle to the pot was hot, so I used a dish towel to keep the pot still. As I stirred the contents, the towel dangled in the flames and caught fire. I immediately threw it in the sink and apologized to my mom for ruining a towel. She looked at me like I was Crazy and said as long as I was okay, she didn't care about the towel. I. Oh, not surprisingly. Jg the next sentence begins, the last incident so far happened about 10 years ago when I was. I was in my late 30s. At a family gathering around a fire pit. I decided to prop my feet up on the bricks next to the opening of the fire pit. After a few minutes, my feet were getting hot and I needed to use the bathroom. As I walked away, I kept wondering why. My steps felt weird and hindered. The soles of my shoes had melted just enough to make it sticky to walk. I'll be 50 this year. I'm hoping no candles will be involved in my birthday cake. Thank you for making my drive to and from work entertaining. Cheers. Claire. Claire, that's remarkable. And I'm glad that you were not harmed in any way. Especially that church. That would put a damper on an Easter vigil. It reminds me of. This didn't involve fire, but it was something weird that happened at church. When I was a kid, we went to the Episcopal Church, which is like Catholic light. Exactly. And my sister had gone through confirmation. The ceremony was being held where she was being confirmed. And so she's kneeling at the altar and the priest comes by and he puts the sign of the cross on her forehead in oil, which she had a huge allergic reaction to. No, it burned across right in her forehead like she was Linda Blair. Holy cow. Seriously? I've never heard of that. Pretty impressive. Yu-Gi-Oh it really was. How long did the. Did the. Did the scar or burn or whatever it left last? Oh, until probably early evening most of the day. We didn't know whether to call a doctor or an exorcist. That's incredible. I've never heard of a reaction. Crazy, right? Yu-Gi-Oh I wonder if, you know, some bored kid back in the sacristy put, like, bleach in the Chrism oil and. Yu-Gi-Oh that's. That's jalapeno juice or something. Yu-Gi-Oh Pineapple juice. We gotta figure out what this is. Disney Hulu will make your day every day. Bluey for the kids, the all new Hulu original series furious for the second they're down. Good Morning America for your morning ESPN college game day for your Saturday and Toy Story 5 for a cozy family movie night on Sunday. Make your day every day with Disney Hulu 18 and older with the Disney Hulu Bundle subscription access these titles via Disney terms apply. Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile. Now, I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited Premium Wireless for $15 a month is back. So I thought it would be fun if we made $15 bills, but it turns out that's very illegal. So there goes my big idea for the commercial. Give it a try@mintmobile.com Switch upfront payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months or $180 for a 12 month plan. Required $15 per month equivalent taxes and fees. Extra initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes. Me slow when network is busy. See terms. You're in the shallow end with Schnebly and Toth. I think, JG we've all heard perhaps one of the best lines in the history of Hollywood movies. You're gonna need a bigger boat. Yu-Gi-Oh Oh, Yu-Gi-Oh right. Roy Scheider and Jaws. Well, this story actually happened not off the coast of Martha's Vineyard, but here in Southern California. And it was, it was this summer, it was June of 2026. And there's a sailor guy named Kai, which I always thought was a really cool first name, K A I Soto. And he decided to do something that most of us would describe as either incredibly brave or evidence that he had recently stopped listening to reason. He decided, and stories like this always give me the willies. He was going to sail alone from California to Hawaii. Anytime I see a story about somebody starting off on an ocean, you know, Trans Pacific, transatlantic, any ocean by themselves, I think, please don't do it. You're going to die. Yu-Gi-Oh well, it's a terrifying proposition. It's just absolutely. I would no more do that than I would jump off the Empire State Building and expect to land safely on a trampoline, I'd say, with an umbrella like Mary Poppins, like we did when we were kids on the garage roof. Well, some of you did. Others, others knew it was special effects and that just wouldn't work. But Kai, being undaunted and a true mariner at heart, on June 7, just this past summer, left Catalina island, which is about 26 miles from Los Angeles, aboard his 32 foot sailboat. Now that's a pretty decent sized sailboat for somebody setting out across roughly 2,500 miles of Pacific Ocean. And I will admit that there is a certain romance to this idea. Just Kai, his boat and the open sea and our 50th state, the Aloha State, beckoning us from across the vast Pacific Ocean. What could possibly JG go wrong? Well, Kai is about two weeks into the trip and not surprisingly, a storm develops. Rough seas, strong Winds, and of course, strong winds when they come across. Sails attached to a mast can often. Well, not maybe often, but it's possible that the mast could snap. And that's exactly what happened to our hero, Kai. Now, for those of us whose nautical expertise comes primarily from watching Gilligan's island reruns, the mast is one of those parts of a sailboat you really want to remain attached to your sailboat. Now, Kai had a motor, which is fortunate, and he fired it up and thought, maybe I can motor back to California. But he ran out of gas. Of course he did. So he did have his phone, which he was using for navigation because it was, I suspect, based on researching the story, one of the newer phones that actually uses satellite signals when you're in the middle of nowhere. And in fact, last week when I was in the Lake Itasca region of Minnesota hiking with Nancy, we were able to use our iPhones and actually guide ourselves on these pretty remote trails exactly where we wanted to be, because the satellite, we had a clear view of the sky and we were able to get from point A to point B with absolutely no cell signal at all. Well, this was working for navigation, except something happened, which is the phone got wet and died. So to recap, no mast, no gas, no navigation, and Kai, this poor bastard, is now sitting alone in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Yu-Gi-Oh Drifting vaguely south with the current. That's incredible. So you're pretty much a cork in the ocean. You have no control over which direction you're going, except whatever the current, which is invented and controlled by God, decides to take your boat. Now, if it were me, I would think, okay, if I had a brochure for this trip, I would throw it overboard because this sucks for about a week. And Kai later admitted this. He completely fell apart emotionally. He cried, he sobbed, he felt hopeless. And at this, the lowest point in his life, he actually thinks, and I get this, maybe it would be better to somehow end my life rather than just slowly dying alone at sea. And after several days of his self named pity party, he decided, no, I'm getting out of this situation. And this is where the story turns into MacGyver Pacific Edition. Kai looks around his crippled sailboat and apparently thinks, okay, what have I got? Sort of like Apollo 13. Remember when they do an inventory and they realize we've got this, this, this, this, this? Well, that's exactly what Kai does with the sailboat. And he finds some PVC pipe and he finds some kayak paddles and he thinks, perfect. All I have to do is build my own mast. So using these sections of PVC pipes and kayak paddles, Kai is able to improvise sailing system and begins the painfully slow process of trying to maneuver himself back toward what he thinks are the shipping lanes running between California and Hawaii. And somehow it worked. Not quickly, but it worked. Now, while he does feel himself moving in the direction that he thinks he should be going, we have the small matter of a lack of food and water. Sure. Right now, fortunately, and this is where the gods of sailing, or maybe God himself or the Holy Spirit had planted a seed. Before Kai left, he had Beckett a lot of oatmeal. So for breakfast, Kai would have oatmeal. For lunch, oatmeal dinner. You want to take a guess, Jethro? Pork chops and applesauce? No, a terrible guess. It was oatmeal. More oatmeal. But occasionally talk about the bounty of the sea. The Pacific Ocean would provide what we would almost call room service. And occasionally a fish or a squid would actually jump from the water and land on his boat. Yu-Gi-Oh Which has to be one of the few circumstances in life where having a live squid suddenly drop into your lap is considered excellent news. And Kai admits that every time this happened, he thought, hey, protein. Then came the most serious problem of all. And this is what, frankly amazed me, that it took this long. On July 11, Kai ran out of fresh water. And we've all seen too many movies, TV shows, read books where somebody stuck in the middle of the ocean is delirious and they start drinking seawater, which of course is the Absolute worst thing you can do. Fortunately, even though Kai was really desperate and in real trouble, he was able to improvise. He filled buckets with seawater, but didn't drink the seawater. He stretched plastic bags over them and let the heat of the sun beating down on the full Beckett of water covered with, you know, saran wrap, create condensation, which was fresh water, so not glasses of it, not even mouthfuls. Kai realized that he could just lick the plastic and he would be drinking, albeit very small amounts of fresh water. Yu-Gi-Oh This continues day after day. Kai drifts, he meditates. He talks out loud to the wind, he talks out loud to the ocean just to keep himself from going bonkers as he continues to drift slowly in what he hopes is the right direction toward the California to Hawaii shipping lanes. He didn't even have a blood drenched volleyball. Not to my knowledge. That would have been really cool, by the way. Talk about coincidences. Well, slowly, with His PVC pipe and kayak paddle contraption, he manages to work his way, indeed, toward the shipping route. And on July 21, so that is more than six weeks in the open ocean, Kai sees something coming. It's a ship. It's a very large ship. It's named the George 3. It's a container vessel operated by a company called Pasha Hawaii. And the crew, just like in Castaway, spots Kai's small disabled sailboat. And they, of course, have GPS and radar and satellite, and they realize that Kai is 900 miles from Hawaii. Imagine being one of those crew people. You're crossing the Pacific on this massive container ship, and somebody on board says, hey, is that a guy? It's not only a guy. It's a guy on a sailboat with no mast who's apparently been navigating the Pacific using plumbing supplies and kayak equipment while licking Saran Wrap. And like right out of a Hollywood ending, the crew comes to his rescue. They change their navigation course. They get a rope ladder down to Kai's boat. Kai is so weak, it actually takes him more than one or two tries to climb aboard the ship. But suddenly, after weeks of oatmeal, eating raw squid and fish, isolation, dehydration, and licking water off of plastic bags, Kai is given not just a bunk. The crew pulls out the stops for this guy because they realize that he had been near death. They give him his own suite with his own clean bed and bath and a shower. They give him clean clothes. They give him food, which he said was some of the most delicious food he'd ever tasted in his life. He's eaten fruit. He's drinking water, actual water, not licking the side of a bag. And he actually, at several points, is reduced to tears of joy because not only have they saved this total stranger's life, but they're being so kind to him that he feels like he's on a boat staffed by angels. Now, frankly, after surviving all of that, you would expect the story to end with Kai getting to port and walking out and getting onto the dock and kissing the ground and making one solemn promise quote, I will never set foot on a sailboat again. Sure, that's what I would do. Here's where our shallow end moment comes in. Jg. Oh, boy. Kai Soto is apparently not built like the rest of us, because after surviving more than a month and a half adrift in the Pacific Ocean, after losing his mast, running out of gas, losing his navigation, running out of fresh water, living on oatmeal and squid and fish or Anything else that flings itself aboard his crippled sailboat and constructing a new sailboat mast out of what sounds like the plumbing aisle at Home Depot. And Kai announces another sailing trip. This time he wants to go to the Philippines. He promises he will use a bigger boat, which I guess seems reasonable, but I thought, jg, that I might come up with a list of things for him to bring on this second trip to the Philippines. That's very thoughtful of you, Linds. I thought Kai might be listening and he might have a notepad and scribble down the following. I would suggest a Zebra mast, if there even is such a thing. A satellite phone, gallons more of water. And perhaps just hear me out here, Kai. A plane ticket instead of sailing to the Philippines. That's all. Yu-Gi-Oh that's all I'm saying. Got this from the Mirror US and hawaiinwsnow.com Kai, if you are listening, you magnificent bastard, I am so glad you're okay. But I know you and I and Jethro have never met nor our many thousands of listeners, but if you would do us all a favor and please just fly to the Philippines and maybe send us a postcard, that'll be fine. We'd all be a lot happier. We sure would. That is my biggest fear. It's one of those phobias. I, I have a phobia of how deep the ocean is. Yu-Gi-Oh Even when I'm on a cruise ship, if it says, Yu-Gi-Oh you're like a mile and a half from the bottom of the ocean, I need to go lay down. I'm with you. The last cruise that Nancy and I did was, I believe, in 2016. And I took this really cool tour behind the scenes tour of the entire ship and the very, very bottom level where they store all their food, you know, chilled meats, vegetables, Every kind of alcohol and non alcoholic drink you could mention sits below the waterline. They've actually got, they've got this giant like as I recall, yellow and black stripe along the top of this wall. And I'm standing there thinking, so I, right now I'm actually technically below the waterline of the Pacific Ocean. And it freaked me out. No, I get that. And the fact that they put a big yellow and black stripe along the wall, it's kind of like them going, this is just a reminder that you're probably gonna die. Yu-Gi-Oh Don't mess with that big emergency exit sign. You see. No, see, don't be opening a window. No cracking a window for some fresh air. Against the rules. Yu-Gi-Oh Lifeguard@shallowendpodcast.com JG and I are extremely close. Probably sometime in the next two or three weeks of doing a show devoted entirely to your emails. We have been skipping some of your longer emails because we want to save them up and deliver them to you in a giant Beckett basket with ribbons and bows and extra drinking water. Thanks for hanging out with us. Make good choices. Your life might depend on it. So concludes another episode of the Shallow End with Schnebly and Toph. We thank you for listening. Oh be a dear would you please subscribe to this podcast, give these boys a five star rating and think of something nice to say even if you have to make something up. And visit us online@shallowendpodcast.com okay, gotta go. Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile. Now. I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited Premium Wireless for $15 a month is back. So I thought it would be fun if we made $15 bills, but it turns out that's very illegal. So there goes my big idea for the commercial. Give it a try@mintmobile.com switch upfront payment of $45 for three months, $90 for the six months or $180 for a 12 month plan required $15 per month equivalent to taxes and fees. Extra initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes. Me slow when network is busy. See Terms this episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi step projects and when you need more than just answers. Give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started@chatgpt.com by selecting work mode available on plus and Pro plans.